After the picture frenzy with my new digital camera, i looked over some of the pictures i took of the sky and my friends. Lately i have been realizing that i wouldn't be a teen much longer and that i'll have to choose a career to major in when i go to colledge. Well since i was little i've wanted to be a doctor and as i am growing up now i see there are more things out there that i can actually do and i can do it well. Say for instance poetry. I'm slowly getting better at that and my photography seems pretty good. I do have a tendecny to carry on arguments and debates so lawyer was in mind. I love animals so of course a vet and then theres helping people. I'm not to fond of them but i enjoy helping out i suppose so yea some sort of surgeon was in mind also. Theres so much i am learning and i want to do all of it but its hard to choose because i can't do everything. I wish i could but i can't. i have two more years in high school and well times running out i have to major in something right? Its all so confusing, i'm trying to live while getting my life straight and yet i have no idea what to do now. Everything was so set when i was young. So much i didn't know but i didn't worry because i knew what i had to do and when but now its like i can't even set plans for an upcioming week for fear thatit won't go through. I'm so afraid that i'll screw something up and i won't be able to make something good of myself. All my life i have been around people who have dropped out or just plain didn't care what they're life would be like in the future. And then theres the whole WW3 thing seeming to be building up faster. If anything i may now even have the chance to start a life at this rate. It bugs me that i have all these thoughts and worries and they keep building on with trying to live today and build up for the future. Things are changing pretty fast and i've been told since i was young that if the world keeps going atthis rate the end may come sooner than we think. From time to time i sit and think well all this shit happening and i've been through as much as the next person its like what should i do. Should i keep preparing for a future i may not have or should i just give up and see what happens. then i tell myself that i don't want to become my mother. i don't want to be sucked into my own fear and i push myself harder. And the days adding up to today i kinda wish i was younger i didn't have to worry about much and my thoughts were usually filled with candycanes and flowers. I escape by reading or roleplaying an di miss so much. i forget to become aware and i loose myself. I'm truly afraid of what my future holds yet i want to go forward to see what it is. I can't sit back and watch like i usually do now everythings speeding up way to fast for me and i feel like i am falling behind. I just don't want to turn out to be another disater that came into this world.